There Must be a Different Word for Chivalry in Argentina

In response to the my dearest friend's post from the motherland, I must respond with my own observations about the ways men treat women in Buenos Aires...Where to even begin? Men in Argentina have been raised from the teet on the notion of machismo. And I must say I don't hate all things about machismo...the feminist in me just slapped me up-side my head, but let me explain. I have seen young boys stand get up from their seat on the bus for a lady. I have seen men helping old ladies across the street too many times to count. When I'm standing in line to get on the colectivo, if there is a man in front of me he will let me get on first. Also I have flirted(all the pun intended) with the dating culture here in Buenos Aires, and always always the chicos open my doors, pull out my chairs..the whole thing. At first I didnt know how to respond to all this chivalry, these caballeros took me by surprise...but wait, I soon learned there is another side to all this mannerly behavior. Los chicos love to darles piropos a cualquier mujer. Basically, with all of this chivilrous behavior comes a price. The men don't take rejection, not that they dont take rejection easily or they don't like rejection, nope the notion of rejection simply doesn't exist for these men. It is as if they just know that if they keep trying they will get what they want. I don't know if its all the machismo ideology they were brought up on or what, but the men here seem to think they can approach/conquer any woman they desire, regardless of how uncomfortable their advances may make you feel. Today for instance. I was taking a little walk for exercise(thats what I tell mi madre, but really I just go for ice cream and then bum around the shops for a couple hours.) Anyways I was strolling through my hood when these two guys ride past on the street on motorcycle...first, I dont fucks with the motocicleta, that's school for theives 101, how to mug via motorcycle, so I was freaked out at first, but then I realized that they were simlply blowing me kisses, not weilding armas. Anyways, I ignored it per usual, but the next block I see the same guy, he has dropped his friend off and is waiting for me at the block. He begins with the usual, "you are so beautiful..blah blah blah" and I continue as usual, but this one is particularly sure that he will get what he wants. He proceeds to follow me for about 6 blocks, manuevering in traffic as I dodge from street to street trying to lose him at the street lights. Each time he catches up with me and begins again with observations of my bueaty, offering me a ride, offers to take me out. It was day time in a very safe neighborhood otherwise I would def have used my pepper spray to convey my message more forcefully, but luckily I passed the casa of one of my amigos and I was saved, but this is just one example of machismo gone wrong.

chivalry is NOT dead

So I'm officially convinced that it's sooo much easier to be womanist (feminist) or at least "womanist (feminist)-minded" at home because too many of the black men (NOT ALL...just a lot) are trifling and/or disrespectful. Don't get me wrong--I'm all for self-sufficiency, equality, and respect for women, but it feels less like a struggle when I don't feel that tension that seems to separate black men and black women back at home. I have never met a more respectful, courteous, and friendly population of black men in my entire life than I have here in Ghana! I'm sure it's tied into Ghana's patriarchal culture which someone with a Western perspective might deem "problematic" (kinda hate that word Wes), but for the time being it feels right!

In other news...chivalry is not dead in more ways than one...I'm still confused as to why in a country that is a majority BLACK, some pigment-challenged individuals still feel comfortable enough, or the need to insert themselves unnecessarily into conversations in which their opinions and CORRECTIONS were not asked for, especially on issues of black identity and history. Perhaps their now cornrowed and/or braided hair (+ extensions) and the introductory West African dance class they signed up for has enabled them to tap into their African roots and they can now relate to me on issues of ethnicity and culture. Perhaps I'm being too harsh. Perhaps I shouldn't have changed my expectations of American cultural norms while abroad. I do know for sure that this sense of entitlement and white privilege needs to die a faster death.

- Christina B

Asi es La Vida

I'm going to reach inside my knowledge and pull out the things I know for sure
Reach inside and flip the switch that tells me naranja is orange and apple is red or sometimes green like fall. I'm going to rename those things

I know that I know, but don't know how they got there.
Turn off that thing that says no one is lonely in a city this big, that I can't cross the street without feeling like E.T riding around in that stupid metal basket. And I'm convinced that someone forgot the 8th day when God made Iguazu.
There are some things that need relearning.

I've been here for exactly a week now and from day one my mind has been racing with information, impressions, thoughts and feelings about this great city. Everyday thus far has been an experience and while im sure that as the newness of it all departs me, I still feel as though each day here in Cairo offers me more than the last. Yesterday I saw the pyramids at Giza and the Sphinx, which is something that cannot be described in words. Its just the feeling that I had while there...at this place, this ancient wonder that was constructed hundreds and hundreds of years ago. It was so trippy to think about the ppl that labored over these great pieces of architecture, so much sweat and energy are between those bricks. I feel truly greatful and blessed to have been able to experience that. But aside from the touristy aspect of it all, it really hit me that I am here in Cairo, on a completely different continent, attempting(not so well of course) to speak a completely different language, for the next couple of months.
Cairo is seriously a million experiences packaged into one crazy ass city. I find it so amazing that a place that seemingly has so many rules because of the union of state and religion, also lacks strictness and rules where one may assume there would be. Its like a game trying to predict the Egyptian code of conduct, ESPECIALLY DURING RAMADAN. As far as social conduct goes, there is a strict frowning on PDA such as making out and heavy petting or groping. There is also a strict rule against muslims smoking and drinking during the Ramadan month. However, there is this strange interaction between the egyptian males where they show each other a great deal of affection in public, which to me would be PDA even though its same sex and completely platonic. Yet and still you can find couples all over the place in the cutest local date spots spending time with eachother and there seems to be no problem with that.
So there are those rules, but there are absolutely NO driving rules. I actually looked into what the driving test here consists of and not to my surprise I found that its a sinple test of driving around a couple of cones and identifying some street signs...not that there are many street signs around Cairo anyway. I was also told from a reliable source that I too could obtain my liscence here, by just presenting my passport and slipping the officer about 50 egyptian pounds...good to know.
Moving on...bedtime does not exist. Or at least not so far. I have not been back to my dorm before 2 am since I arrived here. Its so easy to lose track of the time because everyone is out socializing at the shisha bars, playing cards and backgammon or just chillin out in the street. I'm wondering if its like this now what is life like when Ramadan is not happening. Stores and certain businesses are open til at least 3 in the morning, which even for a New Yorker seems insane. The middle of downtown Cairo is always buzzing and at any given time you can find hundreds of people milling around, selling goods, or just hanging out. I'm talking about entire families, from little babies to old men just chilling in the middle of the city at 2 in the morning for no reason. Thats just the Cairo way I guess.
This last thing that I've noticed so far came as a pleasant suprise. Obama is BIG HIT here. I think the first two things that I always hear when a local finds out that I am American is either "Yes We Can!!!" or "Obama!!! GREAT!!". Its so great how enthused they are about my president. I guess its pretty cool to see how politics really affect everyone. I have no doubt that had I been here just two years ago people would not be so excited to find out that I am american. I was rocking my Obama t shirt the other day and the security guards completely let me through with out scanning my bag or anything and was just mumbling things and arabic with a broad smile across face and repeating "Obama! Obama!" Classes start tomorrow and I'm pretty excited to see what the classroom dynamic will be like compared to Wes. Its gonna be a dope semester.

Understanding "La Mirada"/Do I have Something on my Face?/On a Bad Day "Why the Hell are you Staring at Me?"

"La Mirada" is something that I am still trying to get accustomed to. The word refers to Argentinians tendency to stare at you for uncomfortably long amounts of time. It happens on the streets, in the shops, in the bars, everywhere. Lately, I have been noticing that elderly people are the best(or worst depending on your perspective) at giving long, shameless, piercing looks. There have actually been a couple times on the colective when I have almost..almost asked someone if they knew me just because it would have been less awkward then standing under their gaze a minute longer. Also it must be addressed, although the subject definitely warrants some further analysis and refelction, there are not too many dark-skinned people in Buenos, Aires. Thanks to the combination of 20 years of living as a black woman in the United States and Wesleyan AFAM department, I am already hyper-aware of how race factors into social interactions, not just here in Argentina, but back in the U.S as well. So I have been working really hard to understand "la mirada" in the context of Buenos, Aires and the different ways I am perceived here or rather how my multiple identities might make "la mirada" feel a whole lot different than intended(or maybe I feel it just as its intended, who know?). This fact confuses me in my daily attempts to decipher what different stares mean. I have begun to try and categorize the stares based on some observations.

1.Standard mirada- standing in line at Farmacity, making your selection at the maxikiosko, window shopping, looking at a menu in a restaurant etc. these are situations in which the standard mirada is most commonly experienced. It often involves the person turning to look at you...nothing too crazy, but it just lasts about 30 sec longer than I am accustomed to. It pretty much feels like the person just forgot to stop looking, like they might have zoned out for a min...but nope they are focused on YOU. Look out for middle-aged women, elderly men and women, business-men, shop workers, these are the people who are most commonly seen giving the standard mirada.

2."I Have X-RAY Vision" Mirada-This type of stare is the favorite and specialty of almost all Argentinian men regardless of age, title, or occupation. This stare is often preceeded or followed closely by one of the following: An air kiss, a smile, a comment "ohh que hermosa", or even in some circumstances if he's in the middle of eating something, the licking of the fingers(by far my least favorite). I have noticed that young boys age 12-15ish have just begun to develop their catcalling/staring skills. The are often a bit shyer, if you are walking on the street they might simply nudge their friend as they stare, or whisper something quietly when you're just a little to far to be able to hear it. Also, by far my craziest mirada of the week. A middle-aged man with a Baby Bjorn attached to his front side and a small infant inside, hand in hand with a woman who appeared to be his partner, slows, turns, smile and wink combo, and a good ole' "hola." What do I do with that?

3.Mirada/"I'm thinking about Mugging you"-This is the stare I wish I could decipher better, although at times it is hard to figure out if its simply the harmless, undressing you with my mind" or something far scarier. At this point in time, I'm feeling quite defensive at all times, like my karate fists are poised at all times, finger on the trigger of my pepper spray at night, just READY for anything and this ninja-like alertness makes me suspicious of everyone. But I have been trying to use some other context clues. Beware of the mirada from, drunks, young men walking alone late at night without headphones, unkempt looking children, people lingering when entering and exiting the subte. Still trying to figure this one out, for now, I apologize if I give you a dirty look/cross the street/run(has happened) from a harmless mirada, but I would rather be rude than sorry!